our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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