Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
