so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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