I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize