Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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