I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
