Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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