Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
