thus making me awesome and them whores
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
