What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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