Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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