We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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