Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
