I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
