Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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