is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
