New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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