people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
