I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
