Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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