wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
