OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
