I could make wine with my vomit
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
