dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
