I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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