all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
