Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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