What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize