I wish my penis had an off switch
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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