When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
