i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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