Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
