i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
