i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
