remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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