I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
