So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
