She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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