I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
