she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
