his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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