sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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