What did we do last night that was yellow?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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