I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
