I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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