I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize