come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
