Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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