So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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