i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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