Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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