I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
