I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
