you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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