I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
