Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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