You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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