That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
