I will die if light touches me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize