Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
