Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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