I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
