we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
