I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
