he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
