is your mom at the bar?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize