Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
