you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
