After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize