Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
