I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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