All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
