come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
