Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bring me that man meat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize